| ...dun dun dun.... |
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| 11:22pm 05/11/2007 |
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Am I Ready For This?
Am I ready for this?
Can I handle your fire?
Am I ready for this?
Ready, for your desire?
There's tons I don't know.
But the one thing I do,
Is I, I want to know you.
I want to know your touch.
I want to know your taste.
The way you look at me.
I sigh.
A shiver. Your eyes.
I'm ready.
Your touch on my thighs.
I'm ready.
Imagination soars.
Never like this before.
I'm ready. |
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| Fuckin A! |
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| 03:46pm 05/12/2006 |
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mood:  crappy
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"I'm so scared that the way that I feel is written all over my face. When you walk into the room I want to find a hiding place. We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do. But now a smile and a touch of your hand just makes me come unglued. What a contradiction, should I lie or tell the truth? Is it fact or fiction? Oh the way I feel for you. Is so complicated, so frustrating. I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away, I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay. Should I say it, should I tell you the truth. Oh I want you to know, but then again I don't. It's so complicated."
I Should Have Kept My Mouth Shut
its funny how you say something and then immediately wish you could take it back. That has never happened to me before, until last night. I told him. I fuckin told him. And now i wish i wouldn't have.
I have never regretted anything in my life, before last night. This sucks. Now things are going to be weird.
I haven't cried over a boy since 9th grade either..i did that too.
ok. pity fest over.
♥
Amanda |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| Tom Update |
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| 08:30pm 22/09/2006 |
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mood:  relieved
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Well guys here is an update on my whole Tom issue. He called me again tonight, and I do believe I scared him away, which was of course my intent. We talked about stupid meaningless crap for a bit. He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere tonight. I said I didn't feel like going anywhere tonight. I changed the subject to my interests, (Tom likes to talk about himself) so I told him how i'm very into Tarot cards, and Palmistry, and Astro-Projection, and Witchcraft in general. He asked me a bit about Palmistry and I told him about the different hands (Dominant hand= physical stuff, like your health. And the Non-Dominant hand is inner desires, your hopes and dreams, stuff like that) I also explained that even the shape of your hand and your fingernails and the angles in which these things correspond with each other can affect a reading) He got freaked out and asked if Tarot cards could tell me what he was thinking. I told him if I asked them they could. (i really don't think they can, however, i've never tried, a person's mind is a personal place) Then during the next silent pause I broke said silence by asking a series of uncomfortable questions. I asked him how long he's liked me. (Apparantly its been a long time.) And then I asked him why (he said cuz i was cool. i told him that answer was extremely vague, and he said cuz hunting and fishing doesn't gross me out) Then I could sense he was getting nervous. He knew what was coming. I told him that I prolly wouldn't have done alot of the things that I did at the party if I hadn't been CRUNK. Such as, dancing with him, and giving him my phone number. He then said that he was wondering for a long time whether or not I had done these things because I liked him (which I don't) or because of the alcohol. I told him flat out that I wouldn't lie and it was because of the alcohol. Then he asked me if he was bugging me when he called and I told him that basically he was. It seemed a bit mean. And it prolly was, but he called at a very bad time and I was in a very bad mood. And I kinda felt bad about it at the time, but then after I hung up, I was relieved. I think I've FiNaLlY gotten him off my back. I hope so anyways.
♥
Amanda |
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| I'm not used to having boy problems |
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| 01:03am 16/09/2006 |
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mood: relieved
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Well, i've never had boy problems before in my life. So Tom W. likes me. I was invited to a party for Nick E. by Kyle S.(who was/is trying to set me up with Tom) I say 'trying' cuz i don't like Tom in that way. So tonight at the football game, Kyle sees me and corners me on the top bleacher. (which isn't fair cuz i can't run away) Tom is extremely obsessed with me and it kind of creeps me out. He calls me all the time (he only got my number cuz of the party) and after he calls me he calls Kyle and tells him that he just talked to me. And he asks Kyle if he should or shouldn't call me. And while I was at the game he called me but i didn't have my phone on, (cuz i like football and I was attempting to watch the game), and he called Kyle and was tweaking cuz I didn't answer my phone. Ok so back to Kyle cornering me i was avidly tryin to aVoId him, but he found me. He came up to the top bleacher and starting asking me if i was going to go to tom's party tomorrow. (I didnt really want to go cuz i don't like Tom that way) i told him that i wasn't going to go because teresa couldn't go cuz she is going out of town and i don't really know anybody that's going to be there and i wouldn't feel comfortable at all. then he asked me if i liked Tom. and i told him straight up, no, not the way he wants me to. kyle then seemed extremely confused as to why i wouldn't like tom that way. I have had very bad experiences with boys. my last boyfriend attempted suicide 3 times and ended up in an institution. my biological father abandoned me before birth. (ya'll dont need my sob stories)(i didn't tell himm the biological father part, cuz i don't need people's pity) Kyle looked at me like i was insane, and asked me why the hell i was ever with someone like that. i proceeded to tell him that i was a very fucked up person. he asked me more stuff about tom and why i dont like him and i believe i said that i don't know him, i don't want a boyfriend, and that i was content being alone and boyless. he also told me that tom would not hurt me, that i'd prolly be the one to hurt him. let me tell you, that just makes one feel absolutely great about themselves (note sarcasm) so kyle told me that i should call tom. i had already planned on calling him after the game (to tell him that i dont like him in that way) but kyle told me that he was going to tell tom everything that i had just told him. fine by me, now i don't have to do it.
i called tom. my cousin brandon is over and is spending the night. so he and i were chillin in my room, and he was trying to find a cd, (sorry i digress) so i called tom, and he asked me if i was going to go to his party or not. and i told him not, and then i explained about being uncomfortable and he said he understood and that there wouldn't be very many girls there anyways. (what a relief that i wasn't going) so tom heard me talking to my cousin, and he asked me who it was so i told him it was my 'friend' brandon. however, brandon is indeed my cousin. yes this was a very low thing for me to do, but i did it. so there. so then brandon kept talking and tom kept asking about him so i asked tom if he wanted to talk to him, he said yes, so i gave brandon the phone. brandon has a naturally deep voice and he made his voice deeper to make himself sound older. tom was nice to him i guess...but i also think he was jealous. when i got off of the phone with tom i was very relieved cuz i had finally told him that i was not going to go to his party. the fact that kyle was going to tell him that he needs to be friends with me and stop trying to be my boyfriend helped alot as well.'
the end. story over.
<3 Amanda |
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| been a while.....again |
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| 01:36am 24/08/2006 |
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mood: crappy
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ok there is far too much drama going on between friends for my liking.
they say that about four years after your graduation at least one from your class will die...and with all of the bad feelings and negativity i'm afraid that some people may not be able to reconcile before its too late.
i don't want to sound too morbid but if someone from our group does die and things aren't said that need to be, then the other person will live with a regret and a world full of what ifs for the rest of their life.
i hate negativity and this blog may make me throw up...goodnight.
♥
Amanda |
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| blarg |
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| 06:18pm 21/06/2006 |
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mood: disappointed
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well i don't think jacob is coming to visit anymore. and i was so looking forward to it. but he has other things he needs to do. and i can understand that. the only problem is, is that i've been wanting to meet him for a looong time. ever since Rita when we talked on the phone for hours everyday. but then he sort of phased out of my life as his school started up again, and he was spending more and more time with the friends he had at home. which again i can understand. but to not talk to me pretty much at all? ::sighs:: anyways he talks to me now. so i guess i should get over the whole period of silence. i'm just feeling as if this huge opportunity is being snatched away from me. i really wanted to meet this kid. he's an amazing person and i'm sad to miss the chance to be his friend. but hey, ya'll know me and my want for meeting new people. it just can't be helped sometimes. ah well...looks like i'll have to wait a long while until that can happen. :( peace out.
♥ Amanda |
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| trip...and stuff |
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| 09:17pm 25/04/2006 |
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mood:  ecstatic
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Well tomorrow night i am leaving for Baltimore. It should be mucho fun. I'm excited beyond belief. I am going to D.C for the first time ever. And i've always been interested in the United States history, this is one thing i've always wanted to do. See our government up close and personal. yet i still have not packed. I should really do that. Ah well, things happen.
i am told someone (not telling) is coming to visit the last two weeks of july...and i am stoked. it's gonna be amazing. i'm excited to see this person. and spend a lot of days in a row, together.
whoooo Baltimore, then..........him.
♥
Amanda |
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| 12:16pm 18/04/2006 |
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mood:  chipper
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whoo track today was fun. we didn't have a coach. (Jake had school and Stack wasn't there) so they sent Matt Mosher over to be our coach. Now Matt is a sprinter and has never thrown a shot-put a day in his life. So it was funny, him trying to coach us. Twas a fun practice. today i'm not really doing anything.
whoooo...meeting tonight at 7:30pm at Andrea's house. I ♥ that lady. She's crazy. Its gonna be fun...whoooo pizza.
love ya's guys
♥ AAA |
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| the sun spins from W to E...WEEEEEEE |
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| 09:22pm 17/04/2006 |
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well well well. i just want easter break to be overwith already. I want to go back to school. I end up just chillin with my family forever. And after sooooo much family time, you tend to go a bit insane.
today was ok though. Amy H. and her mom came over at 11 for a skin care class. Then at 2 Taa and Cheese came over. And they stayed over....for a looong time. we hung out and watched room raiders. It was fun. They both made my dog go insane. lol. nah penut loved all of the attention.
Anyways, Ellen called. She came over for a bit. And then Taa and Cheese left. Ellen stayed. We finished watching Date my Mom. Then we watched The Chronicles of Narnia, the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. I loooooooove that movie. Then we went outside and i practiced show choir. then we played 'roll the ball and don't get hit by a car since your sitting in the middle of the street' then it was about dinner time so ellen went home and i came in to eat. Dinner was yuuuuummmy.
i'll see some of you tomorrow. others i wont. but its all good. school will start up again soon.
Sara, BE GOOD! lol
♥
Amanda |
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| 08:35pm 14/04/2006 |
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mood:  weird
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so today was allright. i went to the mall with sara and josh....twas a fun time. We went to subway, got josh's tux, got sara's new bathing suit, walked around the mall for a long time. Went to wal-mart. then headed home. I was gone for 7 and 1/2 hours and all i bought was a bouncy ball. My family laughed at me cuz i went to fish fries. anyways, it wasn't even with my money. Sara and Josh both donated a quarter so i could buy one. and it twas destiny...i got a green swirly colored one. :D
oh and never ride with josh when he's in a weird mood cuz he didn't stop for me when he dropped me off at my house. yeah, he slowed down and i had to jump out of the car. what's up with that? lol. nah, it was fun.
Much love,
♥Amanda♥ |
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| GOOD FRIDAY |
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| 10:14am 14/04/2006 |
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mood:  crazy
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well today is good friday. and that means its the last day of fish fries. Its yucky outside so that rules out anything outside. Maybe i'll play board games tonight? IDK. I'll prolly hang out with Sarah tonight. We're going to my grandparent's house.
My grandma got transferred out of ECMC. YAY! that means she'll be getting better soon. She's in the Newfane Physical Therapy place. She'll be able to get better. :D that makes me glad.
so i'm going to just chill out at home today. And have fun with my family. Tomorrow is saturday and i'll prolly go outside and have fun with the little kids and stuff. But right now ann is annoying the crap outta me. She just turned off the TV that i was watching and turned on the radio, bah!
♥ AMANDA |
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| Hola |
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| 02:07pm 13/04/2006 |
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mood:  geeky
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So everyone now goes and reads myspace....have we all forgotten about our darling LiveJournal? The times when we didn't have to use a picture to have a decent profile. When people wouldn't make a big deal about having a journal online that's connected to your friends. Well welcome back LiveJournal. It's been a long time. But i think that i'll actually try to update regularly now. We'll see how well this goes.
It is now spring break, almost the end of the first week, and Easter is on Sunday. I've been chillin with friends and going to track practice. And i've become a Mary Kay beauty consultant. crazy right? I know...but its fun. :D Pretty soon school will be out and i'll be off to college. D; Thats a scary thought..
anyways, if you still read livejournal leave me some love (in the comment space)
♥
Amanda |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| fill it out |
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| 12:00pm 08/04/2006 |
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mood:  complacent
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Between us and only us (SO BE HONEST!)
I wanna know 29 things about you.
Fill in all the blanks...
leave no question unanswered!
ANSWER IT AND SEND IT TO ME (inbox)
THEN COPY AND REPOST IT FOR YOURSELF!
1.Your Full Name:
2. Age:
3. Favorite Color?
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band:
7. Most Embarassing Moment:
8. Are you a virgin?
9. What makes you really happy?
10. What makes you the maddest?
11. Tell me what you think of me:
12. Do you know me or if you
don't, do you wanna meet me?
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*** . . . . . . . . . . . . HERE COMES THE FUN . . . . . . . . . . . ***
***************************************************
13 . Are we friends?
14. Do you have a crush on me/are you attracted to me ?
15. Would you kiss me?
16. Would you ever ask me out or go out with me if I asked you?
17. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you:
18. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
19. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?
20. have you heard any rumors of me lately?
21. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
22. Do you think I'm a good person?
23. Would you sleep (in the same bed)?
24. Do you think I'm attractive?
25. Are there ever times when you want to call me but don't?
26. Would you ever listen to my problems even if they don't involve you?
27. If you could change anything about me, would you? what would it be?
28.Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
29.Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? |
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| 04:33pm 23/11/2005 |
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mood: calm
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You Are a Beagle Puppy |
Cheerful, energetic, and happy go lucky.
And you're sense of smell is absolutely amazing!
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haha see that i'm a beagle.....beat that Snoopy!!!
♥ Amanda ♥ |
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| Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Fire |
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| 10:09pm 20/11/2005 |
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Yes yes i went to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire it was in one word AMAZING!! "I killed Harry Potter!" hahaha.....i love Neville. WHOO! Anyways it was a blast! I hope Saa Taa and Staa had as much fun as i did!! Karaoke is awesome! and MD owns my life!! YAY!
♥ Amanda |
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| bah |
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| 01:57pm 14/11/2005 |
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mood: crushed
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well here i am, im tired of trying to communicate with this guy. he wont respond to any of my messages even though i know he has read them. (i checked) he doesn't call me back, and when i try to talk to him online he doesn't answer back or he signs off or something.
so i give up on him. i thought he was different from most guys but he's not, he's the same as all of the others. A low-down jerk. i don't want to talk to him anymore.
peace-out.
♥ Amanda |
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| no one reads this.... |
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| 07:21pm 08/11/2005 |
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mood: crappy
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Nobody reads this anymore so i feel confident in being able to post stuff here and not have anyone think anything is wrong with me because im not all "happy".
i've failed again at forming any type of relationship with this one guy. Im not naming names for the sake of if he reads this, i've already freaked him out enough. Besides if you know me well enough you know of whom i speak.
He doesnt want to talk to me anymore and i don't understand why. We were getting along really well and then....poof, no more phone calls, no more ims, no more anything. Its kinda sad how un-appealing i am towards guys. I gotta stop being so ME if im ever gonna snag a guy. ::sigh::
How pathetic am i? ::GAH!::
♥ Amanda |
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| emotional |
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| 10:29pm 13/08/2005 |
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why does my sister have to bring all of this up now? i haven't thought about meeting that bastard who made me since i was 12. and when we started talking about how all the "Jones'" have big butts ann bursts out "Amanda isn't a Jones" well no shit. Then she says "have you ever met your dad?" and i just told her to shut up, cuz this is not something i want to think about..or deal with. I'm happy with my life, and the parents i've got, which is why you don't hear me complain about them too often (at least not my dad) to think that just because there's someone out there who shares some of my DNA, doesn't mean he's earned the right for me to call him dad. No one will ever replace the dad i've got. :D he's the best dad anyone could ever hope for and more.
For those of you who don't know my story, i'll tell it now. I am what one could call an oopsie: i was not meant to be here at all. My mom had me when she was 18. My "father" didn't want to have anything to do with a child, so when she told him she was pregnant with his baby he gave her 80 dollars and said go have an abortion. Well my mom took his money, but, thank god, she didn't take his advice. She went to see my grandma and she helped my mom out alot. The first year of my life was spent with my grandma in her trailor. (my grandparents enjoy telling stories of how i acted when i was there :D) Anyways, my mom married my dad when i was 3. I was not allowed to attend the wedding. but he's always been there for me. No matter what.
It's not so much thinking that i have a different dad that upsets me, it's more of the fact that i could have several half brothers and sisters that i don't even know about. And i don't know my grandparents or if i have any other aunts or uncles. It's missing out on that aspect of the "family" that i would some day like to know...but frankly, i'm not going to uproot my life just to meet the son-of-a-bitch who didn't want to call himself dad.
i'm out
Always,
Amanda |
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